I’ve often hesitated in writing about personal things, but then I realize that this blog is called ‘Chele’s Chatter’ and if you know that Chele girl…. bitch can chaaaat. haha
No, this blog is not about clean language.( Again, have we met?) It’s about the choices we make with our word… It’s amazing what a few little words can mean, and sometimes that it means nothing.
Have you ever come across a smooth talking schmoozing of a person? You fall for the glitter and show, get gulped in by an inner circle, get chewed and chew up as well, and then spit out before you can even blink. Only to find that the Wiz behind the curtain isn’t what you thought?
They’re the ones who are constantly doing the newest coolest thing, hanging with the newest coolest people…Doing everything yet nothing... Until they’re not…
They’re influencing while they’re under the influence…
They’re kinda reliable… but not really….
What’s not seen is the multiple failed things that was sure to make them the next big thing. It’s about the followers and not the friends. It’s about the looks on the surface, and nothing about depth. It’s about their friendship, but not about a relationship. There’s this saying ‘Consistency is Key’ doesn’t seem to apply to them because nothing is consistent. Ever.
If you’ve got someone that is constantly reinventing themselves- BUYER BE WARE. The person you became friends with, will soon be someone you can barely recognize.
The sad thing is that they’ll always succeed in recreating themselves, because they’ve got a lot of practice in doing so… it’s the wake of bodies they leave behind them that they don’t recognize. Manipulation (whether they know they’re doing it at all) is a fluent language to them, and lies seem to get produced too easily. It’s a sad thing to watch, and it’s hurtful and angering when it happens to you….
I recently met with a friend and we brought up the words “Best Friend” and how it’s thrown around so much anymore, it seems to have lost all sense of the word. Then I looked at those in my life who I gave that name to, and who really deserve that name. Y’all I’m in my 30’s, I don’t have sleepovers or pass notes in class, or friends who I give the other half of my heart necklace to… but for a while, I did throw that word around like confetti. I gave a lot more than I had in the bank to give, and it left me empty. Emotionally bankrupt, and angry.
But what is amazing? God. You might call it the Universe, or your creator, or whatever. But I believe that there is someone or something bigger than me up there, in that beautiful and giant universe, that someone (I hope) has their shit and everyone else’s all together. Why do I say that? Because a swear filled messy, heartfelt prayer was screamed out into the Nevada sky in October… hoping someone or something was listening.
That next morning I woke up to text messages from a few random people (whom I thought had let me go) telling me that they weren’t sure what was going on but that they were thinking about me and loved me. That they were there for me if I ever needed it. These two women are pretty incredible, and you both know who you are <3. If you want to see what all Christians should be like, hang with these women. They freaking get it, and I don’t have to morph into someone I’m not. I’m not judged, I’m loved. Then, I had a text message from my therapist (who literally never texts me) asking how I was doing. There was no huge life events going on, so I found it crazy timing, but no coincidence. I look back at that time that I felt like I was wandering alone, darkness closing in around me, and that I needed this darkness to find that there is STILL light out there. October forced me to find the rest of my backbone that I’d been searching for. I found the ‘No F*cks Given’ button, and pushed it HARD… along with some unfriend buttons.
I am going to say, that choosing to call someone a Best Friend comes with expectations and is a give-give relationship. I am lucky I got to go through what I did last fall. Depression sucks, like hardcore sucks, but it was necessary for me to get my shit together!
Honestly, at this point in my life the only one that comes relatively close to a best friend, is my one and true soul mate. My husband. It took a shitty few years to realize this, and I’m kind of embarrassed to say it took that long… but damn. I’ve got one amazing best friend, who I also get to sleep with (and it doesn’t get weird). He’s pretty rad, and hot.
Ladies, let’s take a hot second and think about this. If you’ve got a slew of women you’re calling your bestie or bff, or a new one every year, you might want to chiggity check yo’self. Is you husband only getting the sloppy seconds? I’m not saying you can’t have women who are your best friends. Outside of Raymond, my one constant has been my girl Beki. I’ve been best friends with her since I was 15. We’ve been through a LOT of life together and this year we celebrate 20 years of friendship (WHAT!?). Beki isn’t on social media (that’s why she’s getting named lol!), and that makes me love her that much more! Beki is strong, and wise, and discerning, and ALWAYS POINTS ME BACK TO MY HUSBAND. What I mean by that, is my marriages’ biggest cheerleader and always has been. Ray gets the best me after I hang out with her because she is like a battery charger, and I for her. She is more like a Bosom Buddy (Anne of Green Gables fans- I gotchu!), and loves me for all of me. All the crap, and the weirdness…. but in the end, she makes me a better me when I’m around her.
I’ve found some similar amazing women who are like Beki. They’re too busy in life to try to change me, too busy to be involved in drama. They’re building businesses from the ground up, organic startup, and we just get each other.
Are you depressed? Do you use the word ‘No’? Are your friends shitty? Are your friends giving you room to be you?
Are they charging your battery, or sapping your energy?
Does your hubby get sloppy seconds?
IF you answered yes to any of the above… they’re all attached.
Find yourself people who you’d like to grow up to be. Surround yourself with ass kickers, truth tellers, anti-gossipers, and people that will truth bomb you when it’s needed. CUT OUT THE DEAD WEIGHT when it’s needed. It’s called pruning, and if you don’t cut those dead branches off- you won’t grow.
Keep your words sacred. If you’ve got a hubby, go show him some appreciation wink wink, and treat him like you would your bestie. If he’s anything like my bestie- that man has been through the shit and back with me… he’s my ride or die, he’s seen you at your heaviest and your thinnest, he’s seen you cry at stupid dragon shows, he’s seen you sick as a dog and taken you to the hospital, he’s been a rock when you felt like you were in quicksand… YOU GET THE POINT. If you have a friend who’s been through that kind of shit, and still loves you. THAT, is a true bff and deserves that title. Is your significant other or partner your bestie?
YOU have the power to remove yourself from any situation you don’t want to be a part of- You’re the only one who can create the best version of yourself.
Babe, you are custom made!
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.